I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
