there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need water and some morals
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
