I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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