You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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