I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
