Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
