At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
is it fun? or sober?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
