i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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