I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
