I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
