lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
