i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
