take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize