you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
