dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
