On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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