Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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