At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
