Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
