cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize