I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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