A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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