There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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