And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
