fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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