Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize