I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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