You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
