1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
