u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
