I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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