I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize