There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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