i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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