8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
