I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
