What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
