bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize