The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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