The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
