Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
