please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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