how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
