Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
