If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize