Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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