For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
