'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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