Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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