Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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