Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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