Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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