So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
