He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
