I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
