Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
