I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
