she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
