he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
