i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She needs sedatives and a leash
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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