I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
