STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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