Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
