So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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