Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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