Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
