The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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