Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
