i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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