I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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