Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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