Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
