I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
