i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
