google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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