The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
