what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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