You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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