If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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