True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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