paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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