So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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