I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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