The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
