I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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