ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
