come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
