is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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