i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
