y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
