She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
