And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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