we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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