my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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